My Chook!

Okay, this is really too long a story to tell fully. But, well, I kind of own a chicken. At Warren's Australia Day party - at his place that is out in the country to us city folk - he had a chook raffle. And because I asked the next day who won, I did by default. Thankfully they have agreed to keep her for me. But...I did get this email soon after. Because I haven't fully described my housing dispute (now resolved! I got my bond (=deposit) back this week!!), and because you don't know that Warren is having a legal battle with the semiconductor company that sponsored his PhD work, you won't get all the details, but it's still funny enough to post.

Dear Prof Bassman,
    I am writing to inform you of your obligations being the owner of a prize winning chicken which is being held at 48 Thomas Rd Glossodia. These obligations were clearly stated in writing on the back of the winning raffle ticket.
    First in relation to produce from your chicken, eggs can be delivered at your own cost. If you do not pay for them to be removed a disposal Fee will be charged.
    In addition you will be issued with a monthly Yard rent bill. Failure to pay will result in the appropriate Debt collecting agencies being contacted as allocated by the NSW poultry Breeders association.
    If you choose to have your chicken relocated before the yard lease end in 2050 rent will continue to be charged until such time as another chicken has agreed to take its place. Keep in mind that the yard owners reserve the right to turn away other chickens wishing to lease the yard space if any disagreement or pecking order battles arise with the Colonel.
    FYI two separate yards are to be filled with a total of 150 birds before the discussed Yard lease will be considered to be filled.
    If this matter is considered for dispute the poultry breeders association will seek immediate injunctive relief with the Supreme court of NSW to prevent you from owning any other poultry.
Kind Regards,
Warren McKenzie